[Reflection] Push-Pull Relationship / ‘He who cares least, controls the relationship’

[Reflection] Push-Pull Relationship / ‘He who cares least, controls the relationship’

He who cares least, controls the relationship…

What do I have to say about this?

F*ck that! I don’t want a relationship that weighs in on who cares/loves the other more than the other. I prefer it to be UNCONDITIONAL or at least MUTUAL. Love for me isn’t a strategy game. If I wanted to play games then I wouldn’t want to be in any relationship at all. Having a one-sided or push/pull relationship is the last thing I want to be in. If I am not ready to commit, I’ll just say I want an “open relationship” because that would be more understandable to the other person and it will give the other an option/choice if he/she wants it or not. I am in a point in my life where I am done with playing around. It would be nice to find someone who’s ready for the challenge – commitment. It’s easy for me to fall for a guy I like because I know immediately if I like someone or not and I have no shackles from previous relationships but the problem is that it not might be the case for the other person. I tend to be very vocal or showy now about it but it gets hard for me when I realize that my expectations are high and lowering it just makes me think that the other might not deserve what I am able to offer when I am about to give it my all to show how I care/love the other person. Plus, I don’t want  the feeling of being manipulated or being controlled. If I want to do something for someone, it must come from my will, otherwise it wouldn’t be genuine.

Sigh! Do I find balance by not expecting at all? But the thing is, sometimes I think that having “no expectations at all” means “I don’t want to commit“! :s Ugh! So tricky! Not sure how it will turn out if I do that but I guess it will be worth a try to slow my expectations down a bit. It’s the only way to know… to try it. 🙂 If it’s a way for me to find out “How much do I love this person?“, then why not? ^_^

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